Life Before The Internet

facts-i-just-made-up:

Many people born after 1990 don’t remember a world before Internet. Here are a few things you may not realize about life in those days:

  • Phone numbers had to be looked up in a giant book.
  • Clowns weren’t considered scary. This is just the result of an early meme.
  • There were no llamas. The llama is a result of special global internet-coordinated breeding programs.
  • If you wanted to move something from one computer to another, you had to put it on a disk, which only held 0.2 MB maximum.
  • There were no unique television stations, all TV came through as a single broadcast, and there was no choice of what to watch at any time.
  • Most movies did not have sound. The few that did had to sync up the audio from a record player, and it often went out of sync very quickly, leading to sometimes hilarious results.
  • There were no phone poles, these are exclusive to the internet. The invention of the internet and the subsequent installation of these poles and wires gave birds a new place to rest, allowing them to migrate farther than ever before. Prior to 1990, birds could only migrate a few blocks.
  • Lightning wasn’t deadly, nor did it produce thunder. Only with the air electrified from so much internet did lightning gain deadly strength and become audible from afar. Back in the 80s, playwright Samuel Beckett spoke of lightning as causing a gentle tingling sensation. Many people would stand out in the rain just to feel it.
  • Cars didn’t have wheels. The wheel is a fairly recent invention, which could only come into being with science advanced by the worldwide web. Cars before wheels were odd contraptions which did not move, yet people still spent hours and hours sitting in them, expecting to get somewhere in the hope that one day, the wheel would be invented. Many people still practice sitting motionless in their car for hours and hours, mostly in Los Angeles.
  • We didn’t have snot. Nobody knows if the internet caused us to secrete mucus, but there are no records of it prior to the invention of internet.